Before you get into reading this story/part of my life, I want to clarify a few things. This story isn't about who is right and who is wrong. This story isn't saying one side is lying over the other or vise versa. This is about me and how I allowed God to come into this part of my heart and fix what needed to be fixed. This is a story about how I have grown in Christ, and how He has made beauty out of ashes.
It has taken me twenty something years to come to the realization that some things just aren't my business and I don't need to know everything. Let me further explain what I mean, for a long time I've thought one way about something and you could not change my mind at all, but now I don't even care. It isn't my concern, it isn't my place to deal with it, God knows the truth and He will deal with it.
Like I had said before, my dad and I hadn't had the best relationship; up until a few years ago. Growing up I knew without a shadow of a doubt that he had an affair on my mom. I hated his for this, for tearing our family apart, for abandoning us—for abandoning me...
I'll never forget my first encounter with her, the woman I so desperately disliked; to be honest I'd rather not go into the gory details of part for a few things. Mainly being the reason that I am so ashamed how I behaved, and secondly and probably the most important part is, I've asked for forgiveness, not just by her but from God. I am not my past, nor does it defy who I am, the enemy can't hold things over me.
It was Father's Day in 2014 when my dad told me that he was now dating this woman. The woman I had yet to see since our first encounter, set side from the fact that we'd seen each other at a distance. My dad was telling me that he was getting a lake house in Canandaigua, NY for a week. He was inviting me to go, but also told me that she was going to be there as well. I immediately turned down the invite. Not only was I in summer school at West Virginia University, which was ever single day, but I didn't want to be in her presence.
I was secretly bummed that I was going to be missing out. Here's why, my dad has an older brother who has four boys and three girls. Every year for Thanksgiving we would go up to East Aurora, NY and spend it with them. My brother and I were/are very close to them, which I will refer to all of them as "the boys." Since we really only got to see them once a year, I loved every chance I could get to spend time with them. Out of all my family, including both sides, the boys are the closest in age to my brother and myself. They were like my brothers too, ones I never got to see.
Anyways, I went back to school and for the week leading up to the following weekend, which was when they were checking in; I was having an internal battle. Should I stay or should I go?! I should have just busted into song in my living room of my apartment, but I didn't; I talked it out on the couch to myself, thankfully I was there for the summer alone. I had the worst anxiety, the thought of seeing her made my heart want to beat out of my chest. Its was awful... but if I didn't go, the enemy would win. So what do you do in a time like this?
You call on God for Peace and Strength! I decided that I was going to go, after multiple times of being told that I should not. From Morgantown, it was roughly a six hour drive, clearly a day at the lake wouldn't be worth the time or drive right? WRONG! If I would have stayed, cooped up in my apartment I would have missed out on the amazing experience and breakthrough that God had in store for me!
I drove up to my aunt's house on Friday after I got out of class, we couldn't go to the lake until Saturday mid morning so it was all a waiting game until then. When the sun rose that Saturday morning, the youngest boy and I packed my car and made our way to the lake. The entire car ride, while accompanied, I was alone which I guess that's what I needed. While the passenger slept, I prayed heavily and as we approached the lake my heart rate continued to climb! All I could ask The Lord for was peace and strength.
As we pulled into the driveway, my heart rate continued to race. Approaching the door, I remember thinking "God, why do I still feel like this?!" Walking in, I was greeted by my dad, I looked over and could see her on the couch. Up until this point I thought I was going to see my heart pound out of my chest, until I said hi to her... then it all just melted away. All the heart pounding, heart throbbing, high anxiety just melted away. I had an unexplainable peace, that I can't even begin to describe.
That entire weekend was absolutely amazing, fun, and filled with family. Want to know what the best part of it was? God broke down walls I had up for years! Although she wasn't the person I wanted to be around, at the time, I was nice to her—which was one thing I asked God to help me with. It was around the time for me to leave to head back to school, when I was approached by her. I'll never forget what she said to me, "Thank you for being nice to me." All I could do was hug her! Hug... I hugged the person I thought I disliked the most! I was so touched that she was touched for me being nice to her.
A simple act of kindness started something amazing. You see the enemy comes to kill, steal, and destroy all that is good. If I would have stayed and not went to the lake, I wouldn't have the amazing relationship I have now with the person my dad is now married too! That one leap of faith, believing God was going to come through and give me His Peace, I was able to kick the enemy in the face—basically. From that weekend, we were able to grow and create a friendship and now a wonderful relationship.
Sometimes it can be the most nerve racking feeling, doing something that you are absolutely petrified of doing. When you don't know the outcome, when you don't know where the next step will be because it's located in the dark, when you are crying out and you are calling out to Him... Do yourself a favor, and JUMP—take the leap of faith! I promise you, God will catch you.
xoxo,
-Vi
